The Random Adventures of Eragon and his Stupid
by Lyra and Lira
Summary: Friends... something my friend and i made up cause gym class is boring WARNINGS: stupidity, marysueness, perverted Murtagh, and Arya
1. tea wit da creepy old ladies

LYRA/LIRA: hello and welcome to our first uber-stupid fanfic!

LYRA: i'm lyra

LIRA: and i'm lira

LYRA/LIRA: and we shall be guiding you through this demented story that came from our deranged minds

LIRA: (whispers) actually, it came from lyra's mind, i just typed it up on the computer

LYRA: should we start the fic now?

LIRA: yes we should! start disembodied disclaimer voice!

**Lyra and Lira do not own Eragon. If they did, it be very messed up, depending on who's got the more power over the story**

* * *

A very happy boy skipped down the street. He was followed by an old guy in a bubble and a rather grumpy boy.

"C'mon Brom, c'mon...um...um...um..." the happy boy called.

"Roran, Eragon" the grumpy boy, now know as Roran, called back.

"Oh, right!" Eragon said happily, yet again, as he returned to his merry skipping.

Brom rolled ahead of the two younger boys. "That's the house" Brom-the-bubble said, pointing to a faded pink house with a giant doile on the roof. Upon further inspection, everything, bushes, trees, small furry animals, had at least one doile on it.

"Neato!" Eragon yelled joyously. He randomly changed into a Little Red Riding Hood costume and continued to joyously skip up to the front door.

"Eragon! Red clashes with pink! Take it off!" Roran yelled.

"Are you gay, um...um...um..." Eragon stammered.

Sighing, Roran started to say, "No Eragon, my name is--"

"Steve!"

"My name is not--"

"C'mon Eragon. C'mon Steve" Brom instructed as he rolled up to the front door. He was making nice progress until he hit the steps.

"Need help old man?" Eragon called cheerily.

"Don't call me old man! I am not an old man! How many old men do you know that're as clean as me?" Brom asked.

Eragon, faced with a rhetorical question, or a question for that matter, started to think. At least he tried to think, for a small, fluffy bunny hopped past and Eragon felt the need to chase it like a five-year-old retard.

"Man Steve, your cousin has gone nuts."

"One, Eragon's got the mental level of a retarded five-year-old. Teo, MY NAME'S NOT STEVE!"

Brom proceeded to ignore him and went back to the task of unsticking himself.

Eragon, who was still chasing the bunny, who had a doile on, ran smack into Brom's bubble. It then smashed through the door, bounced around the living room and knocked off a couple of doiles before finally stopping as a small table with fancy china cups and finger foods.

"We're here!" Eragon shouted with a huge smile.

To put it simply, the house's interior looked like the Void of Lost Doiles. Everything was covered in a two-inch-thick layer of doiles. Three old ladies, who had doiles on their heads and shoulders, all went over to the door and practically dragged Eragon in. Roran had the door slammed in his face. Or, at least what was left of the door.

"Brom, it's so nice of you to have finally visit" said Old Lady #1.

"Well, I deemed doiles to be clean enough. Oh, don't worry about Eragon. He's an idiot" Brom said.

"But he's sooooooooo **_CUTE_**!" cried Old Lady #2.

"You like him?" Brom asked, genuinely surprised.

All three old ladies nodded. Old Lady #3 had already started putting doiles on Eragon. "Doiles are cool!" cried our ADHA, retarded, little hero.

The old ladies went "Awwww" and started shoving little spongecakes down Eragon's throat, ignoring Roran, who was pounding on the window...which was covered in doiles.

"Do you know that boy?" Old Lady #1 asked.

"Yeah! That's my cousin, Steve!" Eragon said hyperly.

"Well, if he's a family member of Eranon, Steve can come in!" Old Lady #2 insisted.

The splinters of the door opened, allowing Roran to walk in.

"So Steve" Old Lady #3 said.

"Roran" interrupted Roran.

"So Steve" Old Lady #3 continued, ignoring that last statement, "tell us about yourself."

Roran opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the old ladies' need to feed Eragon until he popped. "Do you want some more squirrel cake?" Old Lady #1 asked.

Brom's eyes twitched. "S-Squirrel cake?"

"Yep!" Old Lady #2 said. "Made with 100 percent squirrel meat!"

Now, before you get confused about this next scene, you must know for sure that Brom is a germophobe. Meaning he doesn't like germs if you are as brilliant as Eragon and did not know what that one big word meant.

"GAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" screamed Brom. He bounced around the room, destroying more things and knocking off more doiles while screaming about how squirrel is germy. Eventually he smashed through the wall and bounced back to where he came from. Where that is, I don't know.

"Well, Eragon, we need to go get Brom. So, I'll be taking you from the creepy old ladies now..."

Old Lady #3 wrapped a doile-covered rope around Roran's neck. "We're keeping him!"

"Now, now ladies. Steve is right. We need to get Brom. But do not fear, for I shall return!" Eragon announced as he heroically walked out the door.

"My name is Roran."

"Of course Steve!"

* * *

LYRA: Roran has absolutely no significance to thisstory 

LIRA: that is why we are killing him off next chapter

RORAN: WHAT? I DONT WANNA DIE!

LIRA: did you hear something Lyra?

RORAN: YES! you heard me saying how i dont wanna die!

LYRA: must've been your imagination

LIRA: yeah...must've (shrugs)

ERAGON: (pokes the air) the air likes to be poked

LYRA/LIRA: okay (sweatdrop) see ya next time!

BROM: leave clean reviews!


	2. da zoo!

LYRA/LIRA: hello to all lovers of demented stupidity!

LYRA: welcome to chapter two of _The Random Adventures of Eragon and his Studip Friends_

LIRA: today, we shall be introducing, and killing off, characters!

LYRA: do you like the zoo Eragon?

ERAGON: Oo...

LYRA/LIRA: eh?

ERAGON: zoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...(randomly starts jumping around the room)

LYRA/LIRA: erm...okay?

**dark-hearted rose: you were anymous? we got your name. and nothing is wrong with squirrel meat. Brom's just a spaz**

**Argetlam-Meg: yay! retarded story! w00t! nah, it's already been planned. Roran goes down**

RORAN: T.T you two are evil

LIRA: is my ipod on?

LYRA: no, why?

LIRA: i thought i heard something

LYRA: must've been the voices again

LIRA: yeah, probably

**alsdssq: awesomeness! hey, in your next review, can you giveus yourAIM name or something? please? PLEASE!**

LYRA: has Eragon calmed down yet?

LIRA: nope.

_crash_

LYRA: hmm...that was the 5th priceless vase this second

LIRA: yeah...anyway

LYRA/LIRA: start ficcie!

**Lyra and Lira do not own Eragon. thank God.**

* * *

The next day saw Eragon merrily skipping through the zoo. "OOOOOOH! I wanna see the penguins and the tigers and the squirrels and the unicorns and the heffalumps and, and..."

"Why did we come to the zoo! It's full of g-g-g..." Brom stuttered as he jumped around in his bubble.

"You're in your super-bubble, Brom. You're fine" Roran said.

"Ooooh, look Steve--"

"RORAN!"

"--someone's doing something to that one lion!" announced Eragon. He pointed to a man who looked similar to Eragon. He was approaching the lionness from behind and was unzipping his pants. Roran put his hands over Eragon's virgin eyes. "Steve--"

"Roran!"

"--what happened to the light!" Eragon asked, waving his arms in front of him. "I think I'm blind! Does that mean we can get a puppy!"

"Is that Murtagh?" Brom questioned, still twitching a bit.

"Eragon's older brother?" Roran asked.

"Yep. That **is **Murtagh! Ummm...where's zoo security?"

Roran's eyes went wide. "What kind of idiot pervert is he!"

The lionness, not liking the scrawny, yet still very hot, human trying to do it with her, called to her mate, the alpha-male lion. Mr. Alpha-Male Lion didn't like Murtagh raping his faveorite mate, so he decided to do something about it and charged. Eragon, whose eyes were no longer covered by Roran's hands, cried, "Steve--"

"RORAN!"

"--the man's going to get eaten by the big, scary...uh...what is it..DOG!"

"It's a lion Eragon," Roran corrected.

"'Sa fluffy dog" Eragon said happily, forgetting the danger to his brother.

Suddenly, a big, strong black guy popped out of nowhere. He was wearing a bad imitation of a Super Man costume. Instead of the "S" on the chest, this psychopath had an "S" and an "A" on his chest. "I am Super Ajhihod!" shouted the deranged black man.

Random Lady #10 said, "They always come out in the on the warm days."

"And this is my sidekick: Nasuada Girl!" Another black person in hot pink everything came running up and said, "Like, Daddy, like, have you, like, totally forgotten, like, your medicine...like?"

"Quiet Nasuada Girl, you might scare the fluffy doggy!"

"Like! No more medicine! Oh my God! Daddy! Like, don't, like, save, like, the perverted, like, idiot! Who is also, like, super-uber hot! On, like, second thought...like..." Super Ajhihod jumped into the fluffy doggy's pen and tried to use his Ajhihod vision on the fluffy, alpha-male doggy-lion-thingy. Unfortunately, he did not have Ajhihod vision and was devoured by the fluffy doggy. "Hey, like, you can't, like, eat, like, my dad! Like!" shouted Nasuada. She jumped into the fluffy doggy pen and, with her five-inch-long, razor-sharp, hot-pink nails, impaled the big fluffy doggy.

"That was weird" Eragon commented.

"Yes it was" said Murtagh, who randomly appeared out of nowhere. He looked at Eragon and said, "Hey, wanna join me in the bathroom?"

"That's incest!" shouted Roran.

Eragon asked, "What's incest?"

"It's when siblings love each other," explained Roran.

"I'll show you what incest is!" Murtagh said happily. "Just follow me to the bathroom and--"

A loud whistle blew and Nasuada climbed out of the fluffy doggy pen. "Okay," said an elf with black hair and green eyes. "You four come with me!" she demanded as she pointed at Nasuada, Eragon, Murtagh, and Brom.

"What about me?" whined Roran.

"Oh, fine!" the elf said as she lead the others away.

\\\\\

"Well, who is responsible for the lion's injury?" Arya the elf asked. They were all in the zoo ER waiting room.

Eragon raised his hand. "Well, ya see, Murtagh was doing something to the not-as-fluffy doggy taht my virgin eyes couldn't see. Then the scary black man in tights tried to save Murtagh from the very fluffy doggy but the scary black man got eated and Nasuada jumped in and did something to the fluffy doggy and I still don't know what incest is! Is it a game?"

"Okay, howabout we draw straws to make things easier. The one with the shortest straw is responsible" Arya said as she held a fistful of straws up.

"But, that's not fair! Haven't you heard of justice?" Roran asked.

"Okay, for interrupting me, you get the short straw!" Arya gave Roran the short straw.

"But...I didn't do anything!"

"To bad Steve--"

"RORAN!"

"--you interrupted me so you get the short straw. That's the way it is" Arya said.

"B-But that's **haenous**!" Roran exclaimed in a rather gay accent.

Everyone stared at him. "Haenous?" questioned Brom.

"No straight man says haenous" Murtagh said.

"What does 'straight' mean?" asked Eragon.

"Like, does that, like, mean, like, Steve's gay or, like, something?" asked Nasuada.

"I am not gay! And my name is Roran!"

"What does 'gay' mean?" asked Eragon.

"Like, I, like, totally **love**, like, gay men! They, like, are, like, the best, like, shopping buddies!" Nasuada exclaimed.

"I'm not--"

Brom came bouncing in wildly. "Don't talk about gayness! It creates more g-g-g-ger..."

Nasuada pointed at Brom. "Like, who's the, like, old guy?" Brom then jumped toward Nasuada and her five-inch-long, razor sharp nail that was being pointed at Brom. Poor old guy, he never had a chance. Brom's bubble popped on Nasuada's nail and Brom was then impaled. His last word was "germs". "Like, oh my God! I, like, have, like, an old guy on, like, my nail!" shouted Nasuada. A large vulture flew in, took Brom, and then flew out. "Like, that's, like, totally, like, better!"

"Okay, Steve--"

"RORAN!"

"--are you or are you not gay? And if so, do you wanna share a bed?" Murtagh asked.

"I am not!"

"Like, have any of you, like, seen, like, Farthen Dur Mountain? I was, like, so totally, like, crying at the, like, end of the, like, movie! It was, like, 'gag me with a spoon' depressing, like. Like, Jack and, like, Ennis for, like, ever!"

"Fine!" cried Roran. "If you aren't going to pay attention to me, then I'm going to run away!" No one paid attention to Roran.

"And, like, in Rent, with, like, Angel. Ooooh! He was, like, SOOOOO cute, and like, awesome! I just, like, **LOVE** the elf that, like, played him...her...like..."

Roran ran out the door and into the street. There, a giant beer truck ran him over, making Roran a two-dimensional person who no one pays attention to. The person who was driving the beer truck adjusted his mirror and asked, "Did I just hit something?" before going into reverse. Meanwhile, Katrina had run up to Roran and was crying. "Oh, this is horrible! Oh, Roran!" Then she became two-dimensional with the aid of the same beer truck.

Meanwhile, back in the Zoo ER waiting room, Eragon asked, "Did someone hear something?" Everyone looked around the room. "Probably a truck" Murtagh said before returning to being a pervert.

* * *

LYRA: so, Roran, how do you feel about dying?

GHOST O' RORAN: i can't believe you killed me!

LIRA: sorry Steve, but you just had **no **importance to this story

GHOST O' RORAN: my name is ROOORAAAANNNNNN (goes up to heaven)

LYRA: least we let Katrina die with him

LIRA: yeah, that slut will let him do whatever he wants to her

LYRA: Brom, what's it like to have your corpse be eaten by a vulture?

GHOST O' BROM: you let the world's most disgusting bird eat my once clean remains! you shall all buuuuuuurrrrrrrnnnnnnn (goes to heaven)

LIRA: we know we will Brommy!

LYRA: and Ajhihod, what's it like to be dead?

GHOST O'AJHIHOD: SUPER AJHIHOD NEVER DIES!

LIRA: but, he so can too die!if you're as super powerful as superman, then you can bekilled too!

LYRA: superman's been killed?

GHOST O' AJHIHOD: really? oh NOOOOOOOOO! (goes to heaven)

LIRA: yeah, but he was brought back to life:D

LYRA: okay. well, that's all the time we have for today!

LIRA: so, to all the nice people out there, remember this:

LYRA/LIRA:we ask you mightly kindly to leavereviews on your way out.

LYRA: and maybe somesleepingpills forEragon


End file.
